Letter to My Younger Self as a Mother/Scholar

Dear Younger Me,

I know these years feel impossible right now. You’re in your early 30s, pregnant, finishing your DMA — a massive project that demands both high-caliber performing and writing a thesis-length document. You took that office job for health insurance, a car, a house, and some stability, even though it has nothing to do with your profession. And yet, here you are, balancing a soul-crushing 9–5, household chores, and your infant, while trying to find even a sliver of time to practice the clarinet and work on your thesis.

I want you to know that what you’re feeling — exhausted, overwhelmed, stretched thin — is completely normal. You are doing the best you can, and somehow, you will make it through. You will finish your thesis, earn your DMA, and land an Assistant Professor position. The first year will be intense, but you’ll survive it.

I also want to remind you: protecting your time is not selfish — it is necessary. You will have to set boundaries at home, at work, and in your social life. You will have to make tough choices, like leaving meetings to pick up your child, declining events that conflict with family time, and prioritizing your own child’s needs over every other expectation. That’s okay. You will never regret these choices.

You will find mentors — female colleagues who are also mothers, who understand what it means to navigate academia while raising a child. Treasure these friendships. They will support you in ways you can’t even imagine right now. And over time, you will see more women (and men) setting boundaries for their families. Even if your choices aren’t celebrated at the moment, they are teaching those around you that it’s possible to honor family while pursuing a career.

Remember that your mantra — your child is only [x] years old once, so enjoy and prioritize it — is powerful. Let it guide you. Balance will never be perfect, but you will adjust it constantly as your child grows and as your responsibilities shift. That’s part of the process. You will survive the grueling years, and eventually, you will even lead your department as chair, witnessing firsthand both the challenges and progress in how mothers are perceived and supported in academia.

Looking back, you will see that your choices — protecting time, setting boundaries, prioritizing your child — allowed you to grow both as a mother and as a professor. You adapted, you survived, and you achieved your goals in the long run. You learned that being enough doesn’t mean doing everything; it means choosing what truly matters and letting the rest go.

So, dear younger me, take a deep breath. You’re doing enough. You are enough. Keep going, trust yourself, and honor your boundaries — they will carry you through.

With love and admiration, 

Your Older Self

To mother/scholars reading this: if you’ve ever felt pulled in every direction — between teaching, research, parenting, and social expectations — know that your boundaries and priorities are valid. And...you don’t have to figure it out alone. I help academic mothers create strategies to protect their time, reclaim their professional identity, and thrive both at home and in academia. If you want to explore what that could look like for you, let’s connect.

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